there is something inherently poetic about leap year. an entire day that appears only to disappear and go unaccounted for until we've cycled through space again and again. its faithful, distant, and clockwork return reclaims unfortunate and special birthdays, filling back up that empty space on the calendar. i've always found it hopeful, an add-on, a perk, something that returns to us, making the shortest month breathe for a bit longer until we turn the page, pay our bills again, and go further into the year. how it rests differently into the corner of the second month, and how the second month seems to have more of a crash landing than the first. janauary has shock value while february is quick and to the point. take a breath, but make it fast, while everything still happens and the light tilts toward spring, even if earlier in the week it felt like summer, and today it's cold and raining.
and i know i wasn't the only one to notice that this february had a little more bite to it, if not shark teeth. this made me consumed with finding the place where i could turn away from that feeling. my thoughts were on a loop. i wasn't myself and it was, in addition to becoming claustrophobic, boring.
since i've come up for air, i've been on a mission to do something about my own attitude, perspective, beliefs, and feelings. i've searched and searched for somewhere to hide or a place to pour out what was scratching at me.
and then i remembered leap year. what a perfect nook to tuck anything away.
sure, there is all kinds of trouble a phantom day can cause. its ability to fold in and out of routine has a mischievous quality, but what it lacks in continuity it makes up for in surprise.
who doesn't love a little surprise? well, if a surprise isn't your thing, what about change?
i've been searching hi and lo for a change in my bridal attitude, and i found it. i was able to name what was in my way, and now that i have, i've turned the beat around. it was a process and i couldn't have done without a few helpful pushes in the right direction, some of you know who you are...but moreover, it was a conscious choice to identify what was weighing me down, embrace it, and then let it go so as to make room for more productive feelings...dismantling the roadblock was tricky, but there is definitely a little more leap to my step.
basically, i was my own guinea pig. i am a writer because i like to experiment...